Recently, just before bed, my son asked, “Papa, will you play a board game with me?”
I said yes. We sat down in our sunroom and played two rounds of snakes and ladders. No phone. No thoughts about work. Just him, me, and the game. We laughed at every move.
About ten minutes in, he looked up at me and said, “Papa, you’re the best Papa in the world.”
It wasn’t about me
I’d love to take credit for that. But it wasn’t really about me. It was about my full attention.
I’ve spent hours with my son that never created a moment like that. Hours where I was in the room but half thinking about an email, or checking my phone, or planning tomorrow. Fifteen minutes of all of me did what those hours couldn’t.
Where our time actually goes
If I’m honest, most of my time with my kids goes into three things: reminding them about something, correcting them, or scheduling their classes.
Very little goes into discovering who they are.
That’s not a guilt trip. It’s just how busy family life works. But it means even a small shift can make a real difference.
Settle yourself first
Quality time starts with us. If I’m rushed inside, my kids feel it, no matter what I say.
So before I sit down with them, I try to settle myself. Sometimes it’s a short walk. Sometimes devotional music, a few deep breaths, or a guided meditation. Whatever works for you.
Stop, ask, listen
Then try this simple rule:
- Stop. Stop talking, including the chatter in your own head.
- Ask. Ask because you genuinely want to know, not to check on homework.
- Listen. Really listen. Let them lead.
One-on-one time works best. Even a fifteen-minute walk where your child picks the route and the topic.